Dear Rosabelle (3)

Dear Rosabelle,

There are so many things in the world to be afraid of.

I’m pretty good at thinking of all of them. You will probably know that about me. It will probably drive you crazy, especially if you’re more like your dad and don’t worry about anything. I’m sorry.

Since I found out you existed, I have discovered lots of new things to worry about. I want so badly for you to be okay. There is so very little that I am actually in control of. I know this is how it will be for your whole life – I will always want desperately for you to be okay, and I will never be able to control the circumstances. Already, with you still inside of me, I have to learn to let go.

I read the Bible to my kids at school every morning. A few days ago, I read part of John 6 to them. Like always, when I finished reading, I asked for a volunteer to narrate. You’ll be very familiar with narrating because we’ll do it every time we read. I will ask you to tell back what you just read, or what I just read to you. A little girl in the second row volunteered.

She retold the story of Jesus feeding the five thousand. Then she talked about Jesus walking on the water, and she said, “The disciples were afraid. Then they saw that it was him, and they weren’t afraid anymore.”

I found myself fighting back tears.

The simplicity of the message, delivered in a child’s voice, cut straight into me. When I’m filled with worry or fear, I want to fix my eyes on him and be filled with peace. He is good, and he is trustworthy, and he is on his throne. No matter what the circumstances are, or how rough the water is, I can look at him and forget my fear.

There are so many things in the world to be afraid of. But our God is bigger, and he is greater, and he is better. He tells us to fear not, to be courageous, to be still. We can see that it is he who reigns and who rejoices over us and who makes all things new, and we don’t have to be afraid anymore.

Love,

Me

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